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Back from a brief hiatus to address the famously contentious debate with no clear answer, or relevance in the 21st century. This time, I have the totally, absolutely conclusive and not at all subjective answer to one of life's greatest questions: exactly what kind of hipster am I?

We all know that stereotype of the most annoying guy you've ever met picking up a guitar and instantly sliding his capo to the 2nd fret to play that Oasis song. Which is not even true, by the way - it's almost always 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' or that one Weezer riff. 

But the story survives along with Oasis' key image: two British brothers who hate each other; plus whoever the rest of the band happened to be at the time. 

(Thinking about it, that would be such a frustrating band to be the drummer or something for. Like "hey Liam, I know he just threw a beer bottle at your face - but can't we just finish this set before the mauling?" LOL.)

On the other hand, Blur maintains a much cooler, effort-fueled-effortlessness which has smoothly carried them through their careers. Fewer flying objects in their concerts, sure, but less fun for the drunk guys in the front waiting for "a real fight!"

But I always have to be right, so here's my critical analysis and conclusion, which everyone else has to agree with.

Let's start with lyrics. Here's 'She's Electric' by Oasis:

She's got a sister
And God only knows how I've missed her
And on the palm of her hand is a blister
And I need more time

One can imagine Noel, mouth full of baked beans, or whatever British people eat - yelling out "Oi Liam - what the hell rhymes with cousin?". It reeks of laziness and Stella Artois.

Even when they did put the effort in, Oasis struggled to compete with even Blur's silliest songs. Here's Slide Away:

Now that you're mine
We'll find a way
Of chasing the sun
Let me be the one who shines with you
In the morning we don't know what to do

And Blur's Out of Time:

And you've been so busy lately
That you haven't found the time
To open up your mind
And watch the world spinning
Gently out of time

I guess it's personal taste which is better. But I can't help but cringe at Oasis' attempt at adding meaning.

"Chasing the sun" reminds me of what parents tell their five year olds when the family dog Sweetie eats too much chocolate. And the awkward rhyme of 'you' and 'do' just feels forced and out of place - and right at the end of the chorus, like a lame mic drop. 

Actually, the whole last line barely makes any sense - if you're chasing the sun and shining instead, then morning would be the most logical time to do that... if it were evening the light would be weird.

Out of Time feels more natural to me. I'd usually cringe at the same word ending several different lines, but you hardly notice since Blur makes an actual comprehensible narrative with their lyrics. Plus, with such profound and vulnerable lines like:

He got a hairpiece
Ooh, he got herpes

Blur easily takes the win for lyrics. 

Next then is musicality. My go to line when anyone mentions Oasis is to say: they have five good songs, and four of them are by The Beatles. Which checks out - somehow Liam Gallagher mentions John Lennon about twenty times in any interview.

I was talking to my mother about this Oasis vs Blur debate and she said it was a question of manual or automatic. Oasis uses acoustic guitar, simple lyrics and chords anyone's dad could learn. Blur resorts to synthy, heavy basslines, and has a more 'avant-garde' approach to their music.

If you know one Oasis song, you pretty much know them all. Sometimes I shuffle Oasis and wonder "has this song been on loop for 30 minutes?" For Blur, one song can feel like five thirty-second soundbites.  

When you come down to it, though, it's a nonsense comparison. They have very little in common musically, and only get compared because of their era and locations. It might make more sense to pair up Blur and The Cure, or Oasis and Coldplay, critically speaking.

But enough of that. 

I pick Blur, of course. It's cooler and better for car rides. 

And God knows what a Wonderwall is.